Epic Clapbacks

26. How Do You Say “Boom! Roasted” In French?

Some years back, I was taking the train to work when an enormous group of French foreign exchange students boarded. They were mostly in their mid-teens with a few adult supervisors. They took up virtually every seat and most of the standing room.

There were only about a dozen people in the car who were not at the party.

I could see that some of the kids were practicing small phrases in English with the regular commuters. They were really excited and clearly had a great time.

Some of the commuters were even enjoying responding and it was quite a beautiful scene—or at least it was until the supervisor totally ruined it.

She proclaimed to her students in French that there was no point speaking to any of us because British people are too stupid (her words) to speak English properly, let alone another language.

Well, my stop was coming up and my blood was boiling, so I stood up and, in the most strongly projected voice I have ever managed, spoke to everyone in perfect French…

I wished the students a lovely trip and told them that I hoped they would think before judging other people in the future. The supervisor turned the exact shade of a boiled beetroot and did not utter a sound.

The coup de grace, however, was when a little old lady piped up: “I bet you weren’t expecting that then, were you”?

Peter Logan

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